It's two A.M.
Even though I've been working through eight hour shifts for the past three days and feel exhausted, I just can't sleep. My mind is racing with thoughts about what I have put myself through, and most importantly what Marge has gone through. I keep thinking if I did the right thing by marrying her, I love her to death but I can't believe I went as far as to get her pregnant. I mean it's great that I will soon be a Dad, but will I be a good provider for him?
Working these eight hour shifts have been long and tedious, flipping burgers is not my idea of fun, and neither is sitting by the drive through waiting for some low life to show up and ask for a meal. They always want something special on that meal, extra mayo, no onions, can the hamburger have no meat in it, that of course it not possible, but I just humor them and give them a fake smile when they come up to the window. And I do it all for Marge.
I miss her so much right now, but I really don't deserve her, not a bum like me. If I was rich, things would be so much better. We could still have our rings, the baby's things, maybe even a home of our own. But poor Marge has to live with her sisters and I'm here at my best friend Barney's staring up at the ceiling and thinking about a better life and how my kid will turn out because of me.
My father was never the best provider in the world, not after my mom left any way. I was always on my own, he never really cared to show me how things were done, he just sent me out into the world and left me there. For some reason I feel that I am doing the same to…what was the name Marge wanted to call him? Either way he will come out into the world and I will not be there for him, because I am trying my best to support him.
That's the only reason I will work at my dead end job, to help Marge and the kid. They deserve the finer things in life but so far it's not been easy. I feel bad that Marge is living with her sisters and not in a nice house with me. I feel bad that I could not give her a decent wedding and one that lasted for more than five minutes. And most of all I just feel bad I made her join the castle club. This would not have happened if I ignored my manly urges, but it just goes to show, falling in love can have some serious consequences.
But you know, sometimes those consequences are for the better. Sure I feel bad knocking Marge up and changing our lives forever, but you know in the end it will probably be worth it. I know someday I'll get a better job with a better pay, one that can support all three of us. We can have a place of our own, with a swing set in the backyard, maybe even a dog, and hell maybe one day we could have another kid.
Yup in five hours I will have to get up and get ready for work, in five hours I will be making minimum wage for my new wife and son, most of the money will be for them and I'm okay with that. I just hope that one day my son will grow up with his old man. I want to teach him all the things in life that will be fun. I want to teach him how to play catch, I want to show him how to catch fireflies in the moonlight, and maybe even one day show him how to shoot a gun, well if Marge approves first. I just want a happy family, but I wish I would have put my foot in the right door first.
Sometimes I do wonder if Marge picked the right guy, she could have run off with Artie Ziff in a heartbeat. I know he is successful now, making lots of money thanks to his degree in college, Marge could go for him instead, but she hasn't, she has stayed by my side, keeping me happy and proud to have her call me her husband. What more could a man want, well besides those things I've been thinking of.
I know I got to think positive, I got to keep moving on for Marge and the baby, I have to provide for them and be a loving husband and father. I do not want to turn out like my Dad, I want to remain proud and strong and glad that I have a family to love and cherish, I do not want to abandon them in any way. Like I promised Marge, I hope to become the man I should be when I see her again, I hope I can succeed.
As I lay here at two in the morning, I think about my future, I don't sleep, I just think. It's not healthy I know and I have to get up in five hours. But my love for Marge is so strong I have to wonder if she thinks about these things too, is she up late wondering about our future? I bet she is, and most likely wishing I was there with her, in the same bed, watching the baby kick, and dreaming happy dreams beside me.
My little Bart will not be due for another two weeks; though at the moment it feels like he wants to come out. I'm trying to sleep but can't, I drift off for just a few moments before I feel him kicking again. Sleep has been hard these past few days; besides the baby kicking I can't stop thinking about Homer and whether or not he's okay. I know he is trying to provide for us and keep our family together, but I wish he can do it with me and not be somewhere else.
I know he said I deserve the finer things in life, but I really don't deserve them when he is away trying to help us. He should be with me even if he doesn't have the money to help me, he should be watching the baby grow and know how strong he is getting. I am not going to lie, this kid is going to be a tough little thing, I just hope Homer will be there to help take care of him.
I know he will be a good father if he comes back and I will be a great mother. We will be one happy little family, as long as he comes back and makes us happy. I don't mind if we cannot afford a ring or a good house, as long as we are together we can get through this without a problem. Sure my sisters can get a little annoying, but they have never experienced love like I have and it's a love that can never be broken. They don't know the sweet and sensitive side of my Homer because they don't give him a chance; they just seem him as a stupid oaf without a future. But where are their futures, I have yet to see both of them in a good relationship with someone.
Homer told me that I would see him again when he becomes a man, but when does he think that will happen? I think he is a man already, strong and determined, ready to do anything for the woman he loves. But I know he has different ideas than me, I know we should have waited a few more years to get married, but we were so in love that we got carried away, this brought about a consequence that grows every day, bringing a new change to our lives soon.
I look down at my stomach, I look like I am about ready to pop, I know it's soon; he is starting to move more. It's such a strange feeling to have something growing inside you. At first it doesn't feel like anything, just a difference in behavior, next as the months go by your stomach gets bigger and new feelings begin to show. It can be very nerve wracking at times because you have no idea if what is happening is a good thing. I just hope he is healthy and strong, like his father. I hope he knows his father too, I don't care what it takes I need to somehow get Homer back.
But how can I? I know he is ashamed and feeling unwanted, but I do want him, I do want him to be here even though he cannot give me the finer things in life. I love him dearly, and no man can ever replace him. Some men will run away and not even help with the baby, but Homer is not that kind of guy, he is not heartless. He is loyal and kind, something I am proud of him for, I just hope his loyalty returns him to me. I hope we will watch our child grow up while we grow old together. I hope things will work out right and that when he returns; nothing will keep us apart again. I hope that one day my family will see how happy we are together and that things turned out the way they should have.
I let out a sigh and stare at the window in my room. The wind is blowing steady, but not too strong, I know morning will come soon and it will be another day where I will wait for Homer to show up again and take me in his arms and carry me to the place we should go. If only it would happen now. I close my eyes, hoping to get some more sleep, hoping that Little Bart will not kick again so I can rest for his sake.
I start to drift off, but moments later I wake up again and it's not from Bart. I hear something outside. Is it Homer? Carefully I pull myself out of bed and make my way to the front door to see if Homer has returned. I open the door and see that the sun is just about to come up over the horizon, but that is all, no one is up yet except for me, waiting foolishly for my knight in shining armor to return. I let out a sigh and let the cool morning breeze blow softly against my face while I wonder if I should bother going back to bed.
"Marge, why are you up, you need your rest dear." I hear my sister Selma's voice calling to me as she walks down the stairs; I guess I woke her up without realizing it.
"Oh I heard a noise outside and thought it might be Homer," I reply with a frown.
I know she wouldn't care about that, but its best to tell her what was going on and letting her know how lonely I am without my husband. I hear Selma let out an unhappy sigh.
"Marge, I got two and a half words for you: Gulp 'N Blow," Selma says.
I turn back to Selma with a curious face, unsure what she is saying. "What do you mean?"
"I mean he's at the Gulp 'N Blow down the street. I saw him the other day making our tacos. They were lousy tacos from a lousy guy but that's probably because he looked miserable without you," Selma shrugged.
I stare back at Selma for a moment, she only gives me a concerned smile before patting me on the shoulder and walking away to go back to sleep. That was her way of saying that she did not care what I did as long as it made me happy.
"I'm going to see him," I said to myself, and without another word I grab the keys to my car and make my way to the nearby Gulp 'N Blow. I cannot wait any longer, I cannot go by for so many weeks and months without him.
The drive is only fifteen minutes, but because I am so anxious to see my husband it feels like years. I know it's a long shot that he might be there at the moment, but I want to try, I want to see if he is there so I can see him again and tell him to come home. I hope I can get him to change his mind.
I see the sign for the Gulp 'N Blow a few blocks down as I come to a red light, which of course takes forever as I wait patiently for it to turn green and bring me closer. It finally happens and I floor it toward the restaurant hoping he is there. I know the dining room would be closed this early in the morning, but I know that the drive through is not. I make my way through it and wait to hear the voice on the other end.
"Yeah what do you want?" a sad voice says behind the speaker. I know it's Homer I can never forget that voice, and it sounds so sad and lonely.
"My husband by my side," I reply hopefully.
"You want fries with that?" He asks still in an unhappy voice.
"Homer?" I call out to him.
There is a long pause as I wait for him to call out. "Marge?"
Moments later I see him coming out of the restaurant and looking back at me with surprise. I cannot wait a moment longer and jump out of the car and run toward him. There I embrace him and I will never let him go.